How I Get Time To Accomplish My Goals

Time-excellence

Recently, just after I finished the first draft of my book, I decided to talk to friends and share my ideas about it. Surprising enough, one question was reccuring in all the conversations, how do you make the time to write all these stuff?

In all cases, I simply smiled and said, I simply have time to write, I love writing.

Then, when I was alone in solitude, I pondered on that question. I figured that I never really gave them the correct answer – and it’s because I didn’t have it at the time.

I started analyzing what I was doing most of the times – research, work, and studies. Then I asked, where do I get the time to write? Why do I always seem to have time to write despite my busy schedule?

Well this is the reason for this post – to share with you the secrets of allocating more time and getting to do most of your goals while maintaining your performance and living your normal life to the fullest.

Is You Passionate Strong Enough?

In the movie Sister Act 2, Whoopi Goldberg quoted Rilke saying, “lf when you wake up in the morning you can think of nothing but writing…then you’re a writer.” Surprising enough, that’s exactly what I do.

Every morning, when I just open my eyes, my mind thinks of nothing but writing. My day has to start with writing, even if it’s one paragraph, but I must write. Likewise, before I retire to bed at night, I get to refresh when I end the day with writing – and that is passion.

However, that habit didn’t come overnight. I remember struggling during the first days. But my passion for writing was stronger than the pain of disappointments and learning.  Once I fixed my mind into writing, I could always make time to write. In fact, this is how I get to do all the other duties. I fix my mind, find a passion and they become a hobby, not a job.

So why do some people get time accomplish their goals while others succumb to distractions? The answer is right within you – It’s passion. If you are passionate about what you do, you don’t need to worry, you’ll always make time.

If you are truly passionate about something, you’ll always have time to do it. We feel good doing what we are passionate about because doing it brings us happiness, fun and joy. And we love doing what brings us fun and joy in life 🙂 .

So my first advice to you if you want to get things done without feeling of struggle is, develop passion in what you, then everything will naturally come to place. Passion can make you things you never thought you were capable of.

Think More Do Less

Thinking is one of the best things you can do in life because when you think, you send your mind to search for solutions.

Just think. When you have spare time, just think – think of your goal. Think of it into its smallest details. Think of the ways to simplify the attainment your goals – there’s always a simple way towards your goals and thinking can lead you there.

In my case, thinking brings worthy ideas – it makes writing more fun and simple. Thinking helps to churn out ideas and cut down the time when you begin the actual work.

For instance, sometimes when I had an idea crossing my mind, I would jot it down and start playing with it on my mind. It turned out that, the more I thought of it is the more it was clear that I had more things to say about it. When it was time to write, ideas simply came fast and easy.

Use Your own Time Efficiently

Everyone has 24 hours in a day and we use it however we see fit. But time is the most precious thing we have. The only way you could allocate more time to your goals is to prioritize and take action without allowing distractions to hold you back.

Make use of your free time and do simple and small stuff that collectively lead towards your major goal.

If you want to make more time, here are few ways I use when writing:

  • Wake up early

For me this is the best option. I’m an early riser, I love starting my day at 5am. I am very active and my mind does most of best thinking during the early hours of the day.

Normally, I wake up around 5am. I spend 10 minutes preparing, then I get straight to reading or writing anything that comes to mind. All days that start at 5 am are the best, I get more time and enegry throughout the day.

  •  Staying Up late

With the tendency to wake up early, I have to sleep early at night, but at times it’s hard to sleep when the mind keeps bringing me some worhty ideas. In such occasions, I stay up late and write as long as I can. The night times are quiet, even if you have a family around, this can be the best moment too to work. Use your night time.

  •  Squeeze the time

How do you use your waiting time at the bus stand? train stadion? Bank queues? Traffic on the road? Waiting for food at the restaurant? Well, these may be short moments but they collectively lead to a very productive moments when you use them wisely. Personally, I use these moments to generate ideas, read a few lines in the book and chew them over.

Surprising enoug, I have generated most ideas for my writing in these areas – at the station waiting for a bus or train. At the queue in the restaurant. When walking in the park and others. As I suggested above, thinking can be done anywhere, with the help of my phone, I can simply jot down ideas and incorporate them into my journal later.

Well, there you have them,  few tricks I use to make more time for my important goals. I hope they will help you get your goals done as well.

Thanks for sharing with your friends if you found this article useful.

Just remove weeds in your life

I grew up in a society that depended mostly on agriculture for a living. In fact, agriculture was the nation’s backbone during our socialist era. It was a part and parcel of our lives both at home and school.

I still have a lot of memories, but the most valuable lesson I got from the people who grew crops is that, among other things, they periodically remove weeds. Weeds, if left to grow, suffocate crops as they constantly fight for nutrients, sun light, and food. Guess what? Weeds always win the battle.

Our lives are just the same. For our most important goals to mature, we must constantly remove weeds. If you aim to lead a more meaningful life, then you must remove anything that hinders you from achiving it. Otherwise they will suck all the life and energy out of you.

In life, weed is anything that has a negative influence over your life – negativities, addictions, bad choices, pessimism, unproductive relationships, and others. These things deny you time to focus on the major goals in life, instead you succumb to distractions.

Like weed, these negative influences are always there, they keep growing and it’s your job to take action and ensure they don’t take the leading role in your life.

Mind you, those negative influences have much more powerful effects in your life than you could ever imagine. Your addictions are slowly leading you astray, when you become aware, it’s too late to for any remedy. Your negativities attract bad choices that pile up to suffocate you and deepen you into more negativities, in the end, you lock yourself in a vicious circle of uncessary misery.

When you remove these distractions in your life, you are left with only few choices. You’ll eventually have enough time to follow through your goals without any hurry or distractions.

Choose Who You Associate With

During my lifetime I have had different friends in each stage of my life. I had very good friends during all stages of my education and career.

Childhood friends are the best, I never imagined having any other friends than these. It was always me and them. We were inseparable. Surprising enough, they weren’t part of my friends in the secondary school. Even those of secondary school weren’t part of my friends in high school. The same was for college and career. But life still goes on, as happy as I always imagined it would.

It’s a fact that, friends come and go, and that’s okay. Each person we meet has a role to play in our lives. So far, life has played part in choosing which friends you kept and which you let go, but now it’s your turn. Remember, one of the most important life decisions you’ll ever make is choosing who you share most of your time with.

Do you hang around the right people? Are you afraid to detach from some people because of what they would say or think?

Well, don’t feel bad to choose people to be around with. Choosing people means choosing the kind of life to lead.

Did you know that your life is an average of those people you spend most your time with?

Well, it is. You are influenced by the ideas of others. You learn from others, everytime. Whether you like it or not, that’s the fact. If so, then why not choose to associate with people that improve your life?

If you can’t make better choices of who’s going to be around you, then you aren’t really running your life. As the CEO of your life, you should choose who you hire and who you fire. Your decision is critical.

Are your Choices Worth it?

Ask yourself this question – Are my current state of affairs supporting or contraditing my long term goals?

If what you do now contradicts your long term goals, then find the best way possible to detach from it. That is, even if your current life depends on it, just find a way to get rid of it – otherwise you’ll not move ahead. Remember, a change is not simple but the results are worth it. If you need to be a different person, you must learn to detach from the things which don’t add in your life.

In the recent past, I took time and analyzed my future. It was not an easy task but in the process I asked myself these few questions:

  • How do I really want my life to be in 10 years?
  • How is my present state of affairs contributing to my future?
  • Is there anything that I devote so much of my time in the present but hinders me from reaching my goals?
  • How can I improve my situation and move closer to my goals?

These questions gave me a perspective. Thinking in long term gave me a clarity over my future  life. I had imagined what I wanted to become. I saw most things changing and one of them was my career. I needed a career shift – immediately, my job seemed as a big obstacle towards my goals – so I quit my job and focused most of my time on attending my future goals.

Quitting the job wasn’t an easy choice to make, but I still had to do it. In fact, my whole future depended on that decision. My job served me well for a period of six years. It taught me a lot and I am grateful for such a chance in life. But it was the time to move on and face other challenges and open my mind to other opportunities in the world – and there are plenty.

You see, not everything we eliminate in our lives are bad, some times we eliminate even the good ones that have no longer a role to play in our lives. Let your conscience lead you the right path.

If anything steals your time but it doesn’t add anything towards your goals, then detach from it. Time is the most important resource you need to reach your goals. At some point you have to let go of all the distractions. Cut yourself loose from anything that doesn’t make you grow. The more time you have for your important goals, the better are your chances at achieving them.

Consider your time. Think of your ambitions. Think of your future. Think of all things you want to do. Are you where you want to be in life? If yes, then don’t worry about changing. Your life is just perfect. However, if you aren’t where you want to be in life, then a change is inevitable for you. Detach from anything that doesn’t add to your life and make more time for your goals.

Why is fear important and how to gain power over it

“I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. ‘Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but he whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death.” – Thomas Paine

Fear – it is the emotion that leads to both destructions and advantages to the human being in the modern society. Sadly, only the bad things are known about this noble and powerful emotion. This article hints both positive and negative sides of fear to give you a good perspective on how to effectively use treat it once it raids on your mind.

I am of the opinion that nothing is either good or bad but your perception of it gives a meaning. The meanig you attach to anything eventually manifests to a reality in your mind. In that case, fear is one of them. We are constantly conditioned to look at fear as bad and detrimental. But, is that all there is to out fears? Can’t you see how this emotion works to favor you in some cases? Well, I have and this article points them out.

There are different kinds of fears – fear of failure, public speaking, heights, confronting others, success, examination, commitments and many others.

Fear is abstract and momentary.

It’s abstract because it’s only in your head. It’s momentary because when the moment passes, so are your fears. In fact, fear exists only in your imagination. It’s nothing physical or tangible, probably that’s why it’s such a powerful ghost and difficult to control.

What causes fear?

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Fear can be induced by any of the following factors:

  1. Lack of confidence:  This can be lack of confidence on your abilities or unfounded convictions that haven’t been proven wrong.
  2. Past experiences: The negative or unpleasant past experiences
  3. Failures: which include both past and impending failures
  4. Ridicule or bad Image: Avoiding ridicules and feeling of bad Impression you’re making to other people

Fear Is Your Best Friend

“Fear makes us feel our humanity.” – Benjamin Disraeli

Fear has use to us, and that is certain. However, the big question is how do you channel your fear towards your ultimate success? Here are a few ways in which fear can help you.

1. Fear is A Motivator

In the past post on 10 best ways to boost your motivation, I named fear as one of the motivating factors towards taking action. It’s true that we are motivated into taking action when we fear. For instance, fear of delaying for deadline for submission, fear of being fired for inaction, and many other factors.

At times we are forced to act and take best choices in order to protect our precious relationships out of fear of losing our loved ones around us. That fear isn’t bad after all.

2.  Fear Signifies Value

Sometimes fear signifies that what you’re facing is precious and important – something of higher value and you should be careful. Imagine, you can easily talk to your colleagues than confronting your boss. You are more cautious to make a move to a girl of your dreams than just any other girl. In this case, fear signifies something valuable and that you must act with respect.  That’s another plus for your fears.

3.  Fear Keeps you in check

The author in the book Your Inner Child Is Calling observes, “I should warn you that, you can’t be completely fearless. That’s naïve. Humans must fear, and indeed fear has its place. You should only fear to engage in unproductive patterns, engage into negative habits, fall into indolence and cultivating negativities. If you project your fears there, you are really doing justice to yourself.”

Fear Is Your Worst Enemy

  “Look beyond fears to discover the world filled with plenty of opportunities. Be courageous, visualize and see the reality manifest in your imagination. That world will open, embrace, and carry you its realm of abundance that would otherwise have remained hidden to you.” – Colin Mtita, Your Inner Child Is calling

Fear is detrimental if it slows you down in the pursuit of your dreams. Fear is bad when it hinders you from taking the right action towards success.

If you are slave to your fears, then you must work to overcome them. The good news is, overcoming fear is a learnable skill and you can you do it. You only have to decide and be ready to let of go of your fears. It is not a one day thing, but with conscious efforts you can definitely do it.

How to Crash Your Worst Fears

1. Be Certain Of Your Goal

“I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear.” – Rosa Parks

If you are certain of your goal, then no amount of fear can hold you back. Do you want to achieve your goal? If yes, then keep plodding along. No amount of fear is enough to hold you back if the desires to accomplish your goals are too strong.

2.  Accept Failures

Behind most of our fears is failure. This might be your past failures or the feeling of inadequacy in abilities to engage into curent tasks. Is the fear of failure paralyzing you from taking action? If it does, then understand that failure doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. Failure is only a stage in life that teaches you the best lessons worth learning.

Trust me, there will come a point in life where failure is not an option but a necessity. No matter how hard you avoid it, you’ll eventually fail. If you do fail as you’ll eventually, don’t be so hard on yourself. Failure doesn’t mean you are stupid, weak, or ignorant. It only means that you must learn more to face the challenges. Your failures today teach you the best lessons necessary to face the challenges tomorrow. Go ahead and do what you do. Don’t let your fear of failure hold you down.

3. Choose Freedom

Think of freedom – you can do anything, have anything, be anyone, and go anywhere. But freedom also entails free from fear. Do you always choose freedom in your life? Do you advocate freedom? If you do, then cast away your fears. Detach from all situations that bring you sense of security. Security is a myth. Security is a manifestation of fear. Avoid to make choices because of security – your job, your life and other choices. Choose freedom.

4. Get Coaching

Is fear of failure holding you back from venturing into a lucrative business opportunity that’s so enticing to you? Well, that’s okay. It happens more often than not. Most people have fear of success or failure, especially when taking great leaps to the unknown future. If you are one these people, then making a move can be a daunting task.

My opinion is, if you hesitate too much, then get yourself a coach, a mentor, or someone more experienced to teach you through it. Get someone who’s gonna guide you through your journey. Learning is necessary if you have to be the best at what you do.

Imagine how secure and confident a child becomes when they she’s around an adult she fully trusts? That’s exactly how you’ll feel with your mentor. You’ll imagine they have magical powers in that area, they know all the answers, and that makes you trust them. As you slowly follow into their instructions, you purge your fears without knowing.

Find a mentor to guide you. In the process, you combat your fears. A mentor is a person who tells you what to do and what not to do. The rest can be easily figured out by yourself.

5. Take Action

Fear can be induced by several circumstances. Some may be within our control and some may not. If it’s something out of your control, then plan how you’ll adapt to it and cast your fears away. Unfortunately, there’s little you can do in this case. Even fears won’t help you much.

If it’s something that you can manage, then the best thing you can do is take action. The results are not as bad as they seem in your head. Remember, failures are part of the success. If you have to learn, you learn from your own mistakes. Take action and be ready to fail but never give up, instead, learn and change your tactics.

I always insist, you only learn once but the lessons are worth a lifetime – your fears can hinder your growth today, but if you overcome them now, you become more powerful to face more fears in the future, as Ralph Waldo Emerson observed, “Do the thing you fear, and the death of fear is certain.

6. Gratitude

Do you dread to take action when the opportunity happens? Do you think of how bad if you fail? How painful it will be? Well, here is the best thing – change your thoughts towards the action. Instead of pain, be grateful for the chance that is presented to you. A chance that can help you in life. A chance that can teach you valuable lessons.

Just be grateful. Gratitude is a lifesaver. I would say it has a placebo effect in a way because it makes you feel great throughout the day even when you expect nothing good to happen. You have to understand that, fear haunts the mind filled with negativities. The mind that focuses and expects bad things to happen. If you are grateful and your mind focuses and hopes for the greater good, then fear won’t have a place in it.

7. Ask for help from others

There are plenty of people who have had issues with the public speaking skills. In fact, fear of public speaking is one of the worst among many of us. But have you wondered how others handled it? Yes, they had it in the past, but they got over it. Confront someone who has gone past this stage. Ask them how they did it. Then practice what they said. Learn how they were able to overcome their fears. That’s how you learn from the best to crash your demons of fear.

Did you learn something? Be sociable, share this article with your friends.

10 Best Ways To Boost Your Motivation

So, there you are – a fine morning, at your desk, a lot of tasks at hand, and your schedule for the day is full. Unfortunately, your motivation has left you and your mind seems to be hovering over planet Mars while your body is there in the office – you are disconnected. You lack initiavites, your thinking is inefficient. You dread to take the right action.

Time passes slowly in snail’s speed  – you wait, five ten, sixty minutes – nothing happens. You feel like you are stuck in eternity. You are still there, drowned and demotivated, praying for a miracle to happen and flip that switch in your mind to a productive mode so you could get things done quickly. You count hours. Too bad, there’s no miracle, nothing seems to come to rescue the situation – you realize that you are doomed.

Well, relax, today is your lucky day. I might happen to have just the right way to flip that switch in your mind. It might happen as you read this article.

This article gives you the most practical and useful tips on how to motivate yourself and take action when it feels like your mind has taken a long nap and it’s only your body that seem to wonder around without any direction.

These ideas you are about to read will save a lot of time in the future by driving you to action when all you were supposed to do was loose time in indolence and stay unproductive when your motivation drowns.

In the previous post I blogged about tips on goal settings. In fact, for your goals to see the light of day, you need these tips on how awake your motivation when all hopes seem to have vanished into thin air. Motivation is the powerhouse behind achieving goals. You need to take constant action, if you relax and procrastinate, you’re likely to give up on your goals.

However, it’s important to note that motivation is crucial to achieve goals, but it shouldn’t be the only factor towards achieving your goals, in fact you need more than motivation to get things done. If you rely entirely on motivation, then I have bad news for you – you’ll hardly achieve anything worthwhile in life. If you happen to consistently take action and stick with your goal long enough, you’ll eventually see it coming to life – and there’s nothing as breathtaking as that in life – it’s simply euphoric.

Motivation is like a drug, whenever it’s there, it takes you to the peak, and when it goes away, you drown into the worst state possible that you can’t even get anything done. You have to understand that motivation has everything to do with how you think in the mind – it’s a state of mind. But if you are disciplined enough, you won’t always need motivation to accomplish your goals. You must take action consistently. Discipline must drive you to action regardless of your moods or emotional state. This is how you get things done with certainty.

This article aims at providing some useful hints necessary to bring your motivation to desirable scales whenever it drowns.

“Of course motivation is not permanent. But then, neither is bathing; but it is something you should do on a regular basis.” ― Zig Ziglar

The best thing about motivation is that, it’s always at its best in the beginning of the goal, then in two or three weeks down the road, you are suffering the pain and crave for the old ways of life – but it’s helps to overcome the inertia and keep you on track towards your goals. Nevertheless, if your level of self-disciplined isn’t good enough, you are likely to give up on your goals.

What Motivates Us?

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Before going any further, let’s analyze the factors behind our motivations. These are:

  1. The will to accomplish a goal
  2. The passion behind our goals
  3. The satisfaction of knowing we contribute towards our own developments and those of others
  4. The feeling of doing something useful that makes us improve
  5. The idea of growth when we do what we do
  6. The fear of failure or grave repercussion when we can’t get our goals done
  7. Nearing the deadline for submission or our goals
  8. Need to feel worthy and accomplished before others
Two Kinds of Motivations

There are two kinds of motivations that drive us towards achieving our goals:

  • Positive motivating Factors

These are motivations fueled with passion, willpower, love, and enthusiasm behind the goal. They are internally generated emotions and powerful enough to let you stick to your goal regardless of the external pressures the challenges and environment exerts on you.

  • Negative motivating Factors

These emotions are external factors that drive you to take action even when your internal emotional state doesn’t feel like it, eventually you get to accomplish what is necessary, which is what matters the most. Negative motivating factors may be for instance, pressure of completing work on the deadline, the feeling of being fired when a goal won’t be fully met, the feeling of failure when the goal won’t be achieved.

These two kind of motivations are equally important to getting goals done. Through experience I have seen them play big role in making my goals come to life. In my opinion, we need both of them. If your internal motivation drowns, your external factors may come to rescue when the time comes. The combinations of both are what I call self-discipline – that is, taking the necessary action regardless of your internal emotional state.

How To Motivate Yourself

Now, here we are, and the big question is still goes unaswered, what to do when you aren’t motivated to take the necessary actions towards your goals?

There are several things you can do to rescue yourself from the trap of inaction. But the most important thing is to understand why you are in such a trap in the first place. I can’t list all the factors that may lead to lack of motivation, even though there are several of them and many of which will be discussed along with the following solutions to awaken your motivation.

1.       Don’t think, just take action

Thinking is important and I love it because it leads to a lot of positive outcomes, but some people simply overdo it. The results – they procrastinate. They lose motivation. If you are one of those people, I suggest you stop thinking and take action.

When you think too much, the process seems painful and boring. To avoid that, just take action and think while you are in the process. When you push yourself to take action, you break the ice and find yourself fully engaged into what you do.

If you feel are a bit lousy and don’t feel like working out, or writing, planning your day, or completing a report. Stop thinking and simply act. Once you take action, everything flows naturally from there. Set a rule, no matter what happens, you must take action, no matter how small it might be.

2.       Have Multiple Goals

In the previous post on goal setting, I insisted on the idea of multitasking. Well, this is exactly why I multitask – to give me motivation. Sometimes some of the tasks, even though crucial and must be done, are really drowning your motivation because they don’t bring the sense of fun and enthusiasm no matter how you look at them. This is the right time to switch to more fun and engaging tasks – do another task that is more fun. When you’re fully engaged and feel like you are on top of the world, switch back to the initial task. It works. Your mind is now ready to face challenges. This works for me, most of the times.

3.       Practice Gratitude

What gratitude does to your mind is that, it replaces the negative thoughts of wants, lack, and greed with those positive thoughts of fulfillment, hope, empowerment, and satisfaction. This change of mindset, no matter how subtle, has tremendous effects in shifting your motivation towards how you approach your day.

Gratitude brings your being into alignment with your desires and you feel complete, whole, and thankful – that’s powerful. If you are grateful for your life – you feel balanced and fulfilled. Your mind works to keep you in check and no negative thoughts or emotions is powerful enough to distract you from being active and achieving your daily goals. The idea here is to be grateful for what you have, what you are, and what you are capable of doing. In turn, you let go of all the negative feelings that will diminish your morale towards taking appropriate actions.

The best part of gratitude is that, it is empowering. If you practice it long enough, it empower you with the positive emotions and  thoughts, this locks you in a circle of gratitude that provides contant motivation and it’s hard to break once you see the benefits.

4.       Don’t be over ambitious

Being ambitious is good but at times it works against your will. If you are ambitious and take small steps towards improving to your target, then you are on the right track. The problem arises when you are overambitious and want to start with a lot of things at once. With time, the reality slaps you in the face – you aren’t capable of maintaining what you do. You get discouraged and finally lose motivation.

The best thing is, think big and take small steps towards your goals. If you want to work out and run for 30 minutes, then cut it back to 5 minutes for the first couple of days or a week. You can slowly increase an eventually get to 30 minutes or even an hour in the future. Don’t do too much at first, hold yourself back, the right time will come. Struggle for an increasing and not a decreasing performance curve.

5.       Work out

Do you regularly practice physical exercises? If you do, I hope you have found that great feeling after finishing it. It simply boosts your morale and put you to work – you are simply energized.

Science proved that exercising has a therapeutic value to the body but also makes you happier and active by releasing endorphin – the nature’s happy drug. Once you work out, you are fired up and can stay active and motivated over longer periods of time. So, the benefit is not only limited to being physically fit and having an active brain due to increased blood circulation, you also get to be more motivated with the exercise. This is a killer way to boosting your motivation – it simply work wonders.

I suggest you work out every morning, for at least 10 to 15 minutes. Anything physical – pushups, sit-ups, weight lifting, aerobics or anything that you see fit, simply work that body out. Let those muscles move. This has a very powerful effect on how happy and active you’ll stay in your day.

This method always makes me stay alert and active the whole day through. I wonder, who needs constant motivation when this is enough?

6.       Get Enough Sleep

Have you tried to deprive yourself of sleep and see how it inefficient you become the following day? Well, I have. I know exactly how it does to me. In fact, it renders me practically inefficient.

Sometimes what makes us lose motivation towards taking appropriate actions is the lack of enough rest – we are too stressed up with work and deprive ourselves the time to rest. In order for you to work efficiently, you must let your body rejuvenate long enough to be in the best possible shape. Enough rest improves your productivity.

I have also experienced something useful connected to this. Over time, I have noticed that whenever I feel demotivated and take a short nap, my motivation returns when I wake up. I don’t know how it works but I feel like sleep has a therapeutic value in determining how the body works. A 30 to 45 minutes sleep during the day can double your productivity.

7.       Share your goal with people.

In the previous post about goal setting I insisted on keeping your goals private. But that really depends on how you respond to other people’s opinions. If you are easily swayed, then this might not be the best thing for you. If not, then be open, declare it public.

Putting your intentions public brings you some sense of accountability. It’s a fact that no one likes to look like a failure or wimp when after declaring they will achieve a goal publically. Even if you can’t reach your target, at least you took action. So don’t hold up, declare it publically and take action. This will boost your motivation because you’ll be getting a lot of queries and that’ll put you in check.

I recall the time when I was writing my book, I put this principle at work. At first, I was skeptical to share my work, then I decided to share it with a few friends around me. That did wonders – friends kept inquiring on the progress and if I could share some ideas. That enthusiasm from friends boosted my motivation. I was forced into taking action towards finishing it. It probably could have taken much longer without this trick. It served as a great reminder whenever I was around friends. It also helped me get connections to places and people who have experiences, so it was worth a shot.

I also got negative feedback, some people said I couldn’t do it. Some said I wasn’t qualified, some were quiet and others simply laughed and ridiculed. If you think you can handle both positive and negative reactions from people, then go with this. I can’t guarantee how people will react, but it also comes down to which people you share your ideas with.

8.       Focus On The Outcomes, Not The Process

Do you want to stay motivated into taking the necessary action? Then don’t sweat about the process, instead focus on the outcome of what you gonna do. For instance, if you want to be more productive by waking up early and exercise, then don’t think of the process of waking up at 5am. That will drown your motivation. Instead, visualize on how wonderful it will be when your day is productive. Think of the free time you’ll gain as a result of this change. Thing of the freedom you’ll have in the end. It’s amazing huh? That should do the trick. There’s a benefit in thinking of the outcomes because they are making us feel good, but the process is rather boring. Our minds are resist boring and painful actions and procedures, and the mind loves relaxing and doing nothing. In fact, if you envision something as painful, the mind’s first reaction is to fight it, and guess what, it always wins.

9.       Relax Your Brain With The Soothing Music

Music has therapeutic value. I don’t know how to explain it. Any kind of music that has a calming effect in your mind can relax it and instantly change your emotion. There’s no specific music in this case. I found it like any music that can entertain you can work to boost your motivation. I personally love classic and instrumental music, especially when I am engaged in a mind involving activity – there are no distractions. The rythms simply calms me down. I get to work longer hours without being tired and I am less tired compared to when I don’t have the music on. I use this method when I write and when I read stuff, and the results are impeccable.

10.   Practice Productive Procrastination

Wonder why I suggest procrastination? Well, this is a productive way to do something useful when all that you do is gone. In other way you could say, calming or relaxing your brain.

Relaxing isn’t necessarily staying idle and do nothing. For the mind, relaxing can mean shifting from one activity to another. A simply action of changing which areas of your brain works can let your mind enjoy the activity, which is useful. Take an example, if you are so busy thinking of something difficult but can’t figure it out, then you decide to play a game. Your mind simply changes and you are now involved in another activity. In the middle of the game, you might find yourself getting the solution to your problem. Isn’t that amazing? Well, it happens to me more often than not, and I simply love it.

Sometimes we lose motivation because we overwork ourselves. We don’t take time to breath and get some fresh air. We don’t give our brains some time to digest and arrange ideas. This may result to stress and that leads to lack of motivation.

How To Set Powerful Life Changing Goals

“The difference between the life with definite goals and the one without is night and day. The one with goals concentrates all efforts to efficiently undertake day-to-day routines and move closer to goals. The one without a goal has nowhere to focus and the dispersed efforts are too weak to bring tangible results. Time becomes worthless asset to waste in indolence.” – Colin Mtita, Your Inner Child Is Calling

Closeup of message stones on white background.

Life is a waking dream and like a dream, the life’s purpose must start and manifest in the mind before it comes to reality. However, a mere thought in the mind is powerless without definite action and determination to realize it. Unless you consciously do something about your dream, it will not see the light of day but remain just a dream. This is where goal setting comes in.

Goal setting is probably one of the most crucial things towards attaining anything in life. There are very good ideas on how to set and follow through important goals in life. Yet, most people lead their lives without something to look forward to, in the end, their dreams perish.

Every time I have clearly defined goals and I take necessary steps to follow them through, my life seems much easier, happier and the future seems more predictable. That is true even when there is a very slow progress towards my aims, but the fact that I have something worth my day to guide me,  makes me feel hopeful.

On the contrary, when I lose sight of my goals, I succumb to distractions, and I can’t focus at all, not even in the smallest tasks. I jump from one thing to the next, I perfom my duties partially, which is not worthy my time. Life is devoid of meaning and I feel hopelessly adrift from day to day without anything tangible to show. I don’t like that kind of life, that is why I have goals, at least one to look up to, every day. If you feel your life is worth a lot, I hope you gonna define goals as well.

Goals help us decide what is more important among what crosses our minds. This is a crucial thing to do because this is how we can prioritize our lives and choose what we want to attract to us, both material things, opportunities and people.

This article offers practical suggestions on goal setting techniques. The ideas described here, if followed, are powerful to get any of your goals done. Parts of this article are excerpt of the book, Your Inner Child Is Calling by Colin Mtita. For the sake of understanding and quick use of the ideas, this article contains only crucial parts to give you a quick to grasp on the ideas and hence put the knowledge you acquire into immediate use.

The article divides the goal setting process in three parts, the first part is the preliminary process that prepares your mind and hints on crucial things you must know. The second part is the goal setting part, this is when you define all your goals and classify them. The final part is activities you must do after you are done with identifying your goals. Achieving your goals requires a continuous process and not a one-day action. To make it work, you must follow the process to the point.

A.      DO THIS BEFORE EMBARKING ON GOAL SETTING

Setting Goals Require A Mental Change

Goal setting is more than writing down your goals on the piece of paper. The process of writing is simply showing you know what you want in the end. But merely writing something down won’t get you anything if you don’t accept it in your mind. The idea here is not to set a big goal because it can be achieved in the end, but to set a goal that you are convinced it will come to life – whether big or small, is immaterial. You must accept it in your mind.

For instance, your income is around $3,000  a month and you set a goal that you’ll buy a house worth $100,000 within a year. Is that goal relevant to you? Do you see yourself believing that? Honestly, none hinders you from saying it, but if your mind won’t accept it, you won’t achieve it. Be releavant and honest to yourself.

Don’t just set goals, some goals will only serve to discourage you than encourage you to take actions when challenges strike and your motivation is gone.

It’s crucial you adhere to the above ideas because of the following:

    • It’s not so much about the goal on paper, but what your mind accepts that matters. It’s not about the size of the goal, but what you believe you can achieve is the key here. Action and planning is crucial in this part.
    • Best goals are the ones you have the passion with. It isn’t so much about what you do, but it’s about how you do that matters, which refers back to the mindset. If you set goals and you have passion behind it, then it will certainly be achieved. Otherwise, you fail before you even start.

To be on the safe side before setting goals, do the following:

    • Be clear on how you want to live your life

Be realistic. Analyze both short term and long term intentions in your life

    • Be certain of what you want to achieve

You must know what you want before you aim to achieve it. You can’t aim nowhere and expect to hit a target – that’s guessing and trust me, you don’t need guesswork with your life. More on that, give your aims some timeframe that will make it more relevant.

    • Analyze your beliefs

Belief on your ambitions is key. Analyze whether what you believe in pertaining to your goals is either positive or negative. If it’s negative, work to change it, because it will act against you in the process.

What To Avoid
  • Don’t set goals because you want to show off to other people that you aim higher.
  • Don’t set goals to impress other people, focus on your life first.
  • Don’t set goals because you have seen others have similar goals, see what you want and have passion for. Don’t copy other’s ideas without seeing if they suit you.

Other people don’t matter in the end, or to put it simple, they don’t care about your goals at all. You are the only one who cares, so focus on what you want, not other people. In the end, it’s your life that you are living, not theirs.

Why Are Goals Important?

Why do we have to set goals in life? Well, here are 5 reasons why goals are important

    1. Goals are necessary to advance your life with certainty. Goals connect you to your inner self and let you express it on the outside
    2. Goals give you freedom to choose what you want and exercise your freedom in life
    3. With clearly defined goals, opportunities become more apparent. You can easily identify lucrative opportunies around you and beyond, which is what you need to be successful.
    4. Goal setting builds the right mindset that is necessary towards success
    5. Goal are the best and most powerful ways to fulfil your dreams in life

 B.      THIS IS HOW YOU DEFINE YOUR  GOALS

Assuming that the above step is clear, then you are ready to set your goals. Now, before defining and writing  down your goals, you must understand that goals are never the same. There are goals which are life changing and others are meant to get you day by day. Hence, you must understand which goals have much larger impacts in your life and focus on them.

This ideas was clearly explained in the post 7 Effective habits for achieving personal excellence, which hints on long term perspectives and delaying gratifications. The idea of goal setting isn’t about planning for today. No, the goals are there to help us bring our future into the present and start to work on it today so that we get to live the life we want with less efforts.

Here are few steps on how you should actually set your goals:

1. Define goals to balance your life

When you plan your goals, make sure you set goals that keep your life at a balance. For instance, you can have financial goals, spiritual goals, career goals, health goals, family goals and others. These goals make you work with your life every day.

2.  Give your goals time perspective

Goal is nothing without a time boundary. Define a time boundary for your goal, like Napoleon Hill put it; a goal is a dream with a deadline. Hence, to make it simple, classify your goals into three categories:

          • Short term goals: These are routine goals and done on daily basis. They serve to bring you enthusiasm and keep going through life. For instance, I read for one hour every morning on the subject of self-development is a goal I have set and continue to follow through, routinely.
          • Medium term goals: These are goals you want to achieve anywhere between a month to three months. For instance, within the next two month, I save 20% of my earnings for future investment.
          • Long term goals: These are life changing goals and are simply indispensable. Long-term goals span anywhere from three months to 10 years. Most long term goals are broken down into smaller manageable and measurebale goals and done routinely. This not only makes achieving them faster and with little efforts, but makes sure that you are always taking action towards your dreams.There are various instances of long-term goals. You can plan on education, investing, purchasing assets, writing a book and so forth. For instance, one of my long term goal was to write a book and start a blog to share ideas, it went of for years but I slowly started to take actions, and finally here I am and you are reading this article. Goals are really things that change our lives and long term goals are really what you should focus on if you want to change your life.

3. Only focus on what you are capable of doing, leave the negativities out

The most important thing when setting a goal is to acquire a positive perspective on it. Think of your capabilities towards achieving your goals. Think of your strength.

Forget the weakness. Forget the failures. Forget the setbacks. If the goal is important, these things won’t matter, when the time comes you’ll surely find the way to deal with them. Don’t think of investing in business and then start thinking of failures, what if it won’t work out, what if I lose money? That won’t be a good way to go about your goal.

4. Keep It Super Simple – KISS

Be realistic. Don’t complicate goals. Start small and take babe steps towards improvement. Don’t overestimate things, just start slow, because even if you will face challenges, you’ll not burn out your efforts.

For instance, when I started the blog and decided to constantly post three articles per day in 7 days a week, I would have been long exhausted by now. With time, I would have realized that I don’t have that enough resources and time to keep up with my schedule. I would have been burnt out and challenged so badly. I decided to start slow and advance with time. That allows me time to do other things while slowly advancing to the targets with little efforts and required efficiency.

5. Write down your goals

It is crucial that you write down your goals. Take a piece of paper and note them down.  This is one of the most important things you’ll do when practicing the art of goal setting. Goals on paper have more power and chances to manifest than the goals which have been merely spoken without being committed in writing.

Take a piece of paper, jot down your thoughts while following the principles suggested above and I will see you in the next section.

 C.      WHAT YOU MUST DO AFTER GOAL SETTING

The above steps will get you from being hopelessly adrift to having a direction in your life. However, you will not be anywhere near completion. Now, this final part is the one that brings you from having a goal in your mind to manifesting tangible results in the end.

The process of achieving a goal takes time, hence you must be very patient and consistently take the necessary action towards your goal, this is what finally results into the positive outcomes.

1. Whatever You Focus On Expands

To get your goals done, you must focus on your goals and take actions, consistently. This creates a pattern in your mind. A pattern that will be used to put you in the right track towards achieving your goals. You only you get better at setting and achieving goals with constant practice. There’s neither magic nor voodoo. If you can’t do it, none else will do it for you. Take time, work your goals out. It’s about how much you can improve with time. It’s neither a one nor two day’s activity. It’s what you must do every day. This is due to the ability of the mind to prioritize on whatever it is fed upon consistently. And that is a pattern creation process.

The mind gets better at reminding you on what you constantly impress on it – what you focus on mostly. You are always working with your conscious mind to think and analyze situations, but you are indirectly using your subconscious mind to solve most of your problems.

Conscious mind is what you use to operate on day to day basis. This is where thoughts are generated and concentration can be done. If you keep planning goals and work on them every day, your mind will be forced to remember these ideas every day. Guess what? That’s how these ideas get to mature. Your conscious mind will then tell your subconscious mind to prioritize on these ideas. You’ll eventually get to find ways to meet your goals. This happens because your mind won’t be distracted by anything else but what you want to achieve. This is by far the quickest way to achieve your goals.

Napoleon Hill in his classical book Think And Grow Rich described six steps towards the riches. In the sixth step he insisted on reading the statement of your goals and plans aloud twice a day. This is how you tell your mind to focus on your goals. You must do this religiously, every day so that your mind can understand your desires.

The pattern, once created replaces all the negative ideas pertaining to your goals with the positive ideas. It also crash worry, fear, negativities, indecision, reluctance and procrastination.  That is why you must focus on your goals and create a pattern that leads to achieving it.

2. Keep Goals Private

It’s important to realize that your goals are personal. If you are one of those people who’s easily swayed by other’s opinions, then simply keep them private. They have better chances to mature that way. Only speak of your goals by achieving them. Let your actions speak for you.

I don’t discourage you from sharing with people. I only discourage you from sharing with the wrong people. Sharing is good. You can  get all good ideas by speaking your mind, but that only happens when the ideas you get in return empower you towards achieving your goals. This is from people with a positive perspective on life – optimists. If you share your ideas with dream stealers or pessimists, you’re likely to abandon your goals during its initial stages. That’s not the way to live. I suggest you keep your goals private and share only if you need advice from the right person, and that is the big if. Focus on taking action, sometimes you need to face challenges to discover your way, and only action can lead you there.

How Many Goals To Achieve At Once?

Well, this is really relative and subjective depending on how you do things. There’s no hard coded formula on this. I have seen plenty of people saying you must have only one goal at a time. But I don’t work that way. If I focus on only one thing at once, I become bored and it doesn’t work out. I need things to fill my head. I need to run things in parallel. It’s not necessarily too much goals, but it surely can’t be one. More goals create some kind of feeling that I have a lot in my plate, hence I must manage my time well. If I lose time to accomplish the task on one thing, that means I lose time to start on another thing – that pushes me to the edge and I get things done on time.

Choose goals that can’t be mutually exclusive. If you need to work to improve your finances, you can as well work to improve your health. At the same time you can work to improve your self-awareness and others. These goals bring your whole sense of being to a higher level and I don’t see them interfering to one another. Rather, I can’t let my health wait until I am financially free. I can’t wait until I have a lot of money to be self-aware. These things can simply run in parallel.

I don’t know how it will work for you, but you have to try it for yourself. If you are a one goal person, it’s well and good, go for it. If you can multitask, then it’s well and good, go ahead and do it. There’s no rule here, it’s all what you are capable of doing. Remember that multitasking involves allocating small chunks of time to each tasks. You don’t do all of them at once.

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How Society Conditions And Influences Your Life

I am so grateful that I have lived and experienced lives of different societies where people exhibit completely different ways of perceiving, thinking and living their lives. Through it all, I came up with completely different and contraditing ideas from one place to the next. Those ideas pertain to how people perceive life, success, failures, cooperation, and ways towards achieving our ultimate success in life.

My final realization was, all these people were shaped in one way or the other to conform to their societies via a constant conditioning, perhaps since childhood. This makes some people measure their lives and define the limits of what they can do or achieve according to the reality around them, which isn’t necessarily the truth. Others look at the truth of their dreams and desires, which doesn’t not necessarily align with the current reality before their very eyes. The difference between the two is huge and when it comes to attaining goals in life, it spells big differences between prosperity and poverty. It also tells the difference between open minded and closed minded people, and in turn, it gives a whole new meaning to how life must unfold to each group in these two categories.

This article analyses the subject of social conditioning – the process through which we unknowingly acquire habits, patterns, and norms that may set limits and rules towards our capabilities and potentials we possess towards reaching our ultimate goals. In turn, that may, in one way or the other, deter us from achieving our precious dreams in life. The article highlights the causes, negative side of social conditioning and ways to look at the problems. In the end, the article highlights ways to avoid social conditioning and awaken your potential necessary to achieving your goals in life.

Social Conditioning == Brain Washing

social-conditioning

After seeing how societies differ through living and sharing values from one society to another, I came to a realization that: people differ, and the like causes of these differences, however subtle, are the prevailing values deeply embedded in their respective societies. Indeed, societies play a major role in our lives, which can lead to empowering us to achieve the best or limit us to succumb to failures and endless poverty. In the end, what matters isn’t what the society believes, but what you choose to focus on as an individual.

As human beings, we possess innate potentials to thrive through life. These potentials and capabilities are indispensable to make us do all sorts of things, both good and bad. With the idea of social conditioning, you might feel powerless to embark and achieve your precious goals because of the falsehood that surround you.

Social conditioning is the way that a society brainwashes you and make you conform to the norms, rules and regulations, because that is how you become a part of a society and can well be suited to share and contribute fully to it. Though this may not be done intentionally, it may lead to both positive and negative effects.

Society Is Indispensable Towards Your Success

We all live in societies and we belong to our societies. In fact, to lead a happy life, we must belong and feel being a part of a bigger community – and that’s more human-like. Societies and relationships play a bigger role in shaping our life. We are all dependent on one another, no matterhow insignificant you may see yourself or others.

It’s a fact that we are destined for a very good and wonderful life, but a society can and does influence your choices every day. It is true that your level of success is not so much dependent on your society, background, or anything physical, but the society you belong to may at large play a role to impose limits to deter you from achieving your highest potentials.

I firmly believe in the idea that we become what we always surround ourselves with. That is to say, if you surround yourself with very ambitious and focused people, you’ll be induced to think the same – even if it’s by osmosis. A famous Swahili saying that goes, “If you stay closer to a rose, you’ll smell like one.

Society Nurtures Your Thinking Patterns

Societies play a bigger role in how we perceive, think, and do things towards reaching our goals. However, that statement may spell success to one and disaster to another depending on what the society believes in.

As we need to belong to a society, we must acquire principles and norms pertaining to that particular society. That makes us best fit with others. To maintain harmonious relationships, we must conform to the rules abided by all people. That can be either family, tribe members, community groups, or colleagues. In turn, what we acquire and believe in dictate our ways of life by shaping our thinking.

There’s nothing wrong with that if those ways of life lead your life in a good direction and especially towards the life you dream of. The problem arises when you are led astray from your dreams. In this case, you need to do a lot more than finding yourself, you need to purge all the falsehood that has been embedded in you so that you can recreate your new path towards your desired life.

Societies Are Not The Same

Societies are never the same, and hence their rules, habits, beliefs, and ideologies differ. What might be true and believed in one society can be false and unacceptable in another. What can be essential and rule in one, can be unimportant in another. For that case, nothing is really fixed in the world, but it’s what people define important that define where their lives go.

In all cases, the same element reappears – that is people. People are the crucial element in a society. People accommodate changes to fit in to a particular society. That entails, people are key to bringing changes to their own societies. To say the least, figure out what is your society telling you? Are you conditioned to fear or face challenges? Are you empowered to be independent or dependent? Are collective values of people towards life and success open to discussion or only a few can decide on what others can?

In the end, you don’t need to change the society, that’s too much for one person. Start changing yourself towards these ideals. Do the best you think you can. Do what can lead to impacts to you and others in a long run. If you have positive impacts, they will be felt by others and they will embrace them, but changes start within you and nowhere else.

Negative sides of Social Conditioning

Social conditioning isn’t inherently a bad thing, but it depends on what you are conditioned to accept in your daily life. If the ideas are empowering then it’s a good thing, otherwise it’s detrimental. Certainly, there are so many ways that you are negatively impacted with the social conditioning, here is to name a few.

1. Subscribing To Fear

Does your society makes you feel fearful or fearless? Do you feel empowered or crushed by the values of your society?

Fear is bad, it limits your options.  It limits your horizon on what you can do. It limits your capabilities and deprive you of your imagination. Everything you want to dwell upon brings fear. Every big goal you want to achieve instill sense of fear and that makes you back down. Is it really worth it? Can you afford to lose everything because of your fears?

Fear can be used as a tool by others to crash competition. Most people may try to intimitate others from engaging into life changing processes. They may say all the bad things that induce fear but none that empowers people when they face the challenges. That keeps people in constant check. But for those who are less attached to fear of rejections and social conformity, are less likely to fall prey for this trick.

Know that, our Inherent fears aren’t doing anything good to us. They are hurting us instead. What is feared the most must finally be faced, then there’s no need to worry about anything.

2. Attaching To Falsehood

Do you believe everything that is said to you in your society? Do you believe in all the TV and Radio ads? Are you raising your awareness that allows you to distinguish right from wrong?

If there is anything that let you subscribe to falsehood and let you give up on your goals towards success, then that’s unacceptable. If you are conditioned that you are powerless and can’t achieve any goal, refute that. If you are told you are too much of a dreamer and it won’t come to life, deny it. If they say you are too poor to be successful, prove them wrong.

If there’s any form of falsehood around you, make sure you dismiss it. Falsehood creates a rich soil for all negativities, that is why there are always pessimists in the societies. They subscribe to unproven falsehood, lack of the initiatives to prove them wrong make them spead these falsehood like wild fire. In turn, most people fall victims. Beware of such ideas, focus on what you want.

3. Acquiring addictions

Social conditioning is done via different channels. It can be orally imparted to you via casual talks. It can be via TV commercials. It can be via Radio ads. It can be via social media, internet and many others. Whichever the means, these ways have proven strong so far and people are falling victims to a lot of addictions.

You are always bombarded with rules and norms to conform with the modern societies – whether it’s local or global. You are told how to behave, what to buy, what to possess, how to value people, how to denigrate those who aren’t like you and so many more.

Likewise, you are also convinced to buy what you don’t need. You are told to eat what is not healthy or adds nothing to your life. That is the result of social conditioning. If you are more prudent, you’ll see that around you every single day.

Social conditioning is an attachment

The idea of social conditioning is to make you attach to ideas and norms pertaining to that particular society. With the idea of a world as a global village, people tend to acquire ideas from other societies and quickly translate them in their own ways of life – worse enough, most of these ideas are worthless and even harmful.

However, if you have a chance to physically live in different societies, you enrich your mind with different ways of life other people exhibit. This may help to break free from social conditioning, and make your mind more susceptible to accepting changes towards your better self.

The experience of belonging to different societies with different values make you shift your paradigm and become free to engage in anything that can bring about changes.

Effective Ways To Avoid Negative Social Conditioning

What is positive or negative is relative from one society to another, and from person to another. Depending on what you want to achieve, you can always choose what to subscribe and what to detach from. In order to cut through to the core of the subject, here are the most effective ways that will allow you detach with what you don’t want and, in turn, have more time to focus on what you want.

1. Give your life a purpose

Every life has a purpose. We are all destined for greatness but most people don’t bother to connect their pieces and find what really resonates with them. Now, giving your life a purpose is the beginning of the entering the realm of the truth. This is the stage when you’ll start to detach from the falsehood and attach to what is true to you. It’s the moment when life starts to have a much bigger meaning and makes more sense.

“Poverty needs no plan. It needs no one to aid it, because it is bold and ruthless. Riches are shy and timid. They have to be ‘attracted’.” – Napoleon Hill

 This process helps you to:

    • Be certain for your goals, which in turns helps you channel your focus on achieving what you focus on.
    • Create plan to lead your life. The plan serves to direct you on daily basis on what is important. Without a plan, it is easy to succumb to distractions and lose track of what is important in life. Plan gives a way to persist because you can see how you advance towards your goals and how far you are from achieving them.
    • Gain a higher level of awareness that is crucial to make you take major decision in life.

2. Practice detachment

Detachment is key. You must detach from what doesn’t serve you. You must detach from addiction. You must detach from all the negativities. You must purge all bad and addictive habits that can easily lead to a bad pattern.

When the world on the outside is too heavy and distracting, take some time, move inside and see what transpires there. It is not until you have a clear picture of what you want that you can adhere to your best principles. If you merely accept things without looking at what your core beliefs are then you might lead yourself to problems you never expected in the first place.

Taking breaks and looking in the inside is a good way to insulate from distracting noises we come across every day in our lives. It’s a necessary process to maintain sanity in our minds. It’s a crucial thing to see how we move towards our goals. It’s indispensable procedure to lead a life with a meaning.

Detachment is about being patient, taking time to yourself and studying situations from a far. You get to see how your inner self can engage with the outside world for your best. This is about caring for yourself, nurturing a habit that allows you to detach from the unnecessary distractions, be it physical or emotional.

3. Focus on what is Important

Is your mind a tool that improves or destroys your life? Do you use it efficiently or let it feed on anything that comes to you?

Everything you do or don’t do matters. Your life is a sum of your choices, both the one you choose to do and leave. Your success depends on what you choose to focus on. Your failures teach you on what you should change and give more attention in your life.

In all these cases,  you are the only one who’s responsible for your life. Whether there’ll be success or failure in your life, you are the one who’s accountable to make it happen. Nobody else can do it for you.

Build the mindset that nothing worth having can be freely handed to you. You must find it. You must work for it. Train your mind to focus on what you want and stay alert to all the negativities around you.

4.  Choose Your Company Well

People are part of social conditioning, I should say, the most crucial element in social conditioning. Ironically, it’s the ones around you that have the biggest impact of them all. That being said, choose to associate with people who know their own ways in life. They are people who have already discovered their paths in life. They have empowering ideas. They are free from attachments. These people will surely help you find your way. Avoid forming alliances with pessimists, they will steal every single dream you have. For pessimists, life is nothing but a physical form of a  negative energy as they see negativities in everything.

Final Thoughts

You have now an idea of social conditioning, the ways in which you can be affected by what transpires in the society, however casual it might be. Now, after a presentation of the ideas, here is what you can gain if you have a better understanding of yourself and avoid social conditioning:

  1. Freeing your mind from the limiting habits
  2. Acquiring power to decide on what you want out of life and go for it
  3. Bridge between your dreams and reality worlds
  4. Mastering your fears and use them to your own advantages
  5. Detachment from falsehood
  6. Helping others find their own way like you did
  7. Gaining self-awareness that allows you purge and avoid negative social conditioning.
  8. Leading a meaningful and happier life that has much more to live for.

In my opinion, the truth is always there, staring at you. The truth may not always be the same as the reality, but it’s there. You have to change your view of how you look at it to recognize it. There are those who subscribe to falsehood because they are too rigid to change their views, but those who are likely to see things from a far, and detach themselves, can always have fun by seeing the truth before others. As yourself, what do I really want?

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How you handle failures determines your happiness

“In life, there is no something for nothing – everything has a price tag. The higher you aim, the more you pay. To attain what you desire, life places obstacles and challenges on the way. After you successfully face challenges and learn the precious lessons, life gives what is rightfully yours.” – Colin Mtita, Your Inner Child Is Calling.

Happiness is the ultimate goal in life hence common to all humans. The most important thing in life is keeping the happiness amidst failures whilst in pursuit of something meaningful. Life devoid of happiness is empty and meaningless. This article discusses ways to approach failures and keep your normal state of happiness, which is necessary to lead a meaningful life.

Success is euphoric. However momentary, success brings that feeling of eternal bliss, which is the ultimate happiness there is. What else brings such kind of satisfaction and happiness than knowing what once seemed an insurmountable challenge is no longer an obstacle to you? There’s nothing as satisfying as knowing you are becoming what was previously a mere dream.

But is it really the outcome or what you have been through that matters in the end?

In my opinion, the process is much more important than the end result. Don Williams Jr put it, “The road of life twists and turns and no two directions are ever the same. Yet our lessons come from the journey, not the destination.”

It’s true that what we attain in the end isn’t as precious as what we learn through the process. As we slowly move towards our goals, if we are keen enough to learn in the process, we build a solid foundation that can make us succeed in anything else in life. However, this process isn’t automatic but deliberate. It takes conscious decision to  learn from your failures and keep the lessons for a lifetime.

Here are few things to consider about failure that strip it off its negative effects:

Failure Is Not the End Result

Some people see the end of the world when facing a failure, for them, failure is a sign of their doomsday. They are paralyzed by it and can even go insane. but does it have to be that way? Is failure so obnoxious that it must be repelled with all possible forces? It doesn’t have to be.

People who see failures as the final outcome of their botched plans don’t bother to find a way out of it. And the matter of fact, when you see failure as the end, your wishes become true. It overpowers you because you give in easily. When you only see obstacles, that’s what you will always face in your life. In this case, a simple change of mindset brings about a major change in your life towards happiness.

How you perceive a failure determines whether you lead your life towards happiness or misery. If you see failure as a process towards your goal, happiness ensues. On the contrary, if you see failure as the end of everything, nothing comes to life, hence misery ensues.

You must understand that a failure, no matter big or small, is a stage that brings you closer to your goals. Failure shows that your goal is still in incubation state and yet to reach maturity. Don’t quit, instead, learn from it. Failure will unveil most of the flaws in your original plans. Plans are never perfect, so don’t rely on your own insticts. A failure serves to redirect you to better paths towards your goals.

Remember, things always get tougher before getting so much better. When amidst adversity, hold on a bit longer, because you might be in the verge of a major breakthrough.

Failure Molds You Into A Tough Character

Your ultimate success doesn’t bring as much euphoric effect as how you envision your journey that led you there. Surmounting the challenges is victorious. Simple victories toughens the spirit of persistence. Sometimes when the going gets so tough, your still inner voice whisphers about those previous simple victories – keep pressing, it will be okay, keep pressing and soon it will give in. That persistence determines how happy you stay while in pursuit of your goals in life.

The beauty of all this is, if you always pick yourself up and move on despite the temporary defeats you end up building a character which has assurance against failure. In the end, life becomes more rewarding. Habituate to persist in adversity – the harder you are hit and persist, the more you reap.

Failure Determines Your Ultimate Success

Nothing worthwhile comes without failing on it, sometimes the failure is so bad and painful, but your desire to the goal must hold you to it. If you try so hard to avoid failures instead of focusing on how to succeed, you increase the chances of failures and risk the chances of never even progressing in the first place.

How you respond to failures determines how far you will go into achieving it. Success comes when you are sure of what you want and you aren’t afraid of getting it at all costs, that includes failures in countless attempts.  The best example is Thomas Edison who failed ten thousand times before he successfully came up with the working model of a light-bulb – something that most people in the modern world take for granted.

Know that, your failures determine how far you will succeed. The more you fail is the more you need to learn before you break through. To reduce the occurence of failures, pay attention and learn what each setback brings you. Within no time you’ll have solved most problems you deemed impossible, and you’d have none than your failures to thank for it.

Failure Is The Measure of Strength in Life

How you handle failures determine the quality of your life. Ultimately, the quality of your life determines your happiness and success.

Ultimately, happiness in life comes down to how you face your own challenges and failures. It has everything to do with how much you are able to maintain your status quo despite countless setbacks you face. That is the ultimate reason why most people, though very successful, still succumb to sadness. Likewise, others, while still in struggle for that ultimate freedom, are coping well with their happy life.

Your life is a collective status of your individual separate lives. That includes career, finances and relationships – both personal and professional. The sum of all these determine how happy and successful you become.

How you manage issues in one area of your life has direct effects on other areas as well. How you handle your career issues affects your personal relationships, whether positively or negatively. How you handle your personal relationships determines how productive you are at your career. In case of any catastrophic failures, and lack to absorb it proactively, you risk to let the effect propagate and affect your whole life.

Ask yourself, do failures break or build you? Do you accommodate changes to give failures a room to grow you or you remain rigid and fail to see the better way even when change is inevitable?

Sometimes a failure means the change is imminent and inevitable and you must adhere to that call.

Failure Isn’t Personal, Take it easy

“Whichever the cause, a failure should not be an obstacle but an opportunity to learn. The difference between people who are successful and those who are not is the persistence when they encounter a failure. Successful people take a failure as a challenge, learn from it, and move on, while others see the end of the world and quickly give up.” – Colin Mtita, Your Inner Child Is Calling

Life is meant to be enjoyed. Don’t take failures too seriously. You must understand that failures are part of an increasing life. The life that pursues a bigger meaning than what it currently is. When you seek growth, then nature has its ways of teaching you important lessons. If you refrain from learning the lesson, then you hinder your chances of ever getting the best part of life.

Imagine anyone who plays a game and takes failures very personal. They never win. This is because they lose focus on the game and avoid risks of losing. They avoid making wrong moves. They avoid taking risks. In turn they either fail or never make progress. If you want to win, then put your mind and eyes on the game and focus on learning to defeat your adversary. It’s the same in life. Focus on getting things done, learn from your failures, but never take them personal, because that way you avoid the nature to mold you well.

Dirt Off Your Shoulder and Move On

Failures will happen, that is inevitable in your path to success. If you chose a path in life that brings you neither failures nor challenges, then reconsider that path whether it leads anywhere worthwhile. For anything worthy, there must be some resistances – that is how nature works. If that happens, and I guaranteed you that it will in so many occasions, focus on what you must learn, heed the lessons, and focus on getting things done. Never lament, never quit, never hold yourself down, just keep marching. Freedom is priceless but never free. You must pay the price to find the freedom in your own life, and that price is what you do to face your own failures.

An African proverb goes – however long the night, the dawn will break. Keep persisting, keep your happiness, life is meant to be fun, failure are there to teach us, don’t put too much attention to what you can’t change. Focus on getting things done.

10 Ways To Manage Anger Productively

Anger is tricky, powerful and very seductive emotion. It can make you do a lot of things, both good and bad, but depending on how your mind works, you are more likely to fall on the bad side.

This powerful emotion had been used properly since the dawn of civilization, but it seems to have lost its meaning in the present civilized world. Its roles seem to lead to more counterproductive and, often times, harmful results. I have seen examples of traditions who use anger productively, for example, the Maasai tribe in Tanzania usually use emotions of anger during their rituals dances and hunting. One has to get into a very excited state to participate in these activities. And they use it productively because they have been trained so since childhood.

However, until today, this very emotion is still a source of creativity to some and source of misery to others. Why is that others fails to get the best out of it? Is there something behind this powerful emotion that they miss out? Austin Kleon in his book, Steal Like An Artist, observed, anger is one of my favorite creative resources. I don’t waste my anger in complaining or lashing out at people, I try to channel it into writing and my drawing.

Some people are more impetuous than others. Some people are quicker to anger than others. In the end, to use your own emotions towards the productive ends is all about how you keep your composure amidst turbulence – and that’s what counts.

Why Is Anger Necessary

There are so many reasons why you must be angry at times, but in this article I would like to share with you my two reasons why anger is so important in your journey through life, only if you could turn it to a productive power within you. Here is what anger taught me so far:

1. You stay focused

Anger is a habit, and as an emotion, it has a greater chance of stimulating your subconscious mind than you could ever imagine. Don’t anger and attempt to suppress it. It won’t work well, and in most cases it will backfire. Rather, learn to direct your emotions towards what leads to productive than destructive outcomes. Anger must be expressed constructively. I don’t encourage you to suppress it, unless of course if suppressing it is the only productive choice for you.

I know you don’t become completely insane when you are angry. You still have your mind to think and decide between the right and wrong. If you can’t think when you are angry, then that is bad because you have conditioned yourself to act impulsively for quite sometime. That trend can change when you take simple practice to change the pattern in your mind. And the best part is, when you replace the destructive pattern with the creative one, magic starts happening.

Contrary to popular belief, when you are angry, your mind stay focused and fixed on only one thing – that which annoys you. This way, the brain crystallizes and redirects all your attention to one thing. This is how you get to stay focused, streamline your ideas, and channel them for best results. This is how you impress  your subconscious mind.

Whenever you learn something completely new, it’s always hard at first. There are more failures and a few successes. That is how anger makes my blood boil in me. These trivial failures make me so angry that I can hardly lose focus of what I have at hand. At times, to maintain my sanity, I take deliberate momentary breaks and came back to ponder on the same problem. It’s such an unnerving experience but my anger wouldn’t let me quit. Guess what? I never allow my ego to get on the way. The angrier I get the more efforts I put. The more efforts I put the more I discover the flaws and the more I learn.

Finally, I grasp the meaning of my anger – It’s the only way to singlemindedly focus on what I am doing. And it is the core source of creativity in me. I can’t deny it, but anger always makes me thrive. I don’t get angry at people. I get angry at things, knowledge and goals. I want them done, and they finally give way to their attainment.

2. The Best Way To Bring and Accept Major Changes

“Usually when people are sad, they don’t do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change.” – James Russell Lowell

Sometimes anger crowds our mind so bad that we fail to see the plain truth before our very eyes. But this is important, after the anger dissipates, our minds become more receptive to changes and we are more able to accept the inevitable. This happens in so many occassions, especially when you lose something so precious and immesurable. That brings pain and pain turns to anger.

I remember the moment when I lost my father, I had just turned 13. It was so painful and later it turned to anger. I don’t know exactly what was I angry at, but I think I was angry at everything emotional about life – especially love and loss. I felt powerless before death and the feeling that I couldn’t do much was so perplexing to an extent of making me dwell on it for days at a time. My mind was stuck and I couldn’t think otherwise. I was trying to think of one thing that has troubled man since the beginning of life – and that is mystery around death. But it was that anger that drove me that far.

Finally, I had to accept what I couldn’t change. I understood that, no matter how angry I could get, something couldn’t be fixed and life couldn’t be restored. A damage is already done and I had to learn to live with the past while embracing my bright future. Since then, I became more accepting of circumstances and more open minded pertaining to life, sharing, love, loss and death. Anger took me through a wild ride of life. I learnt the good, the bad, and the ugly that embodied life.

Eventually, I was so grateful because that very anger made me appreciate every moment in life and love it even more than I ever could without going through that episode. I learnt how important is it to be independent, focused and more responsible for myself and those around me.

Anger is a source of change, but a change comes when you learn to accept the inevitable, that is the truth. You may get angry, but it won’t help. You’ll finally get to cope with your emotions and live with it. This happens in all areas of life, and someday you’ll face it, and when you do, don’t suppress your anger, accept it as a normal emotion that is there to help you change something big in your life. Anger is there to let you explore more choices around you.

Get angry and get things done. Don’t direct your anger to those people around you, they are the only ones you need when the going gets so hard.

 How to Manage Your Anger

We aren’t taught how to handle our anger, instead we are suggested to suppress it. Does it help? I don’t know, I have always seen more problems with that tactic so far. I have better ways to help you or anyone else who’s angry and needs help.

“Beware of him that is slow to anger; for when it is long coming, it is the stronger when it comes, and the longer kept. Abused patience turns to fury.” – Francis Quarles

There are various ways of managing anger. Some like to express it simply and others loudly. Some love holding it so long and eventually it eats them up, they finally take it out in ways you never imagined. More of these tactics were put forward inthe previous article Anger, your worst enemy or your best friend?. This article, lays forward the methods by which anger can be productively channelled for your own good.

Anger is an emotion, and it has nothing to do with it being either bad or good. It’s how you act that gives it meaning. The best way is to know how to manage your anger productively. You must accept anger as a normal emotion, don’t suppress it, rather pay attention to it and then make a choice to improve your reactions when anger strikes. This is for your own good.

I know our anger may result from very different circumstances and so are the ways to deal with them. There is no one way that be applied whenever you are angry, but you can adopt several to give you options when that moment arrives. The main goal with these methods is to help you maintain your composure admist chaos. Remember, this is not to suppress your anger. No, not at all. It’s just ways to delay your reaction until the moment you are able to think straight. Anger crowds your mind. To avoid problems, you must buy as much time as you can, and avoid instant reactions which may complicate the situation and lead to regrets after a short time. Here are ways which could do just that:

1. Imagine today is your last day on earth

Forget mistakes. Forget failure. Forget everything except what you’re going to do now and do it. Today is your lucky day. – Author Unknown

Would you be angry at anything or anyone if today was your last day on earth? Would you feel bad towards anyone if you knew today was your very last moment on earth? If you think and analyze, you’ll find that there’s no reason to feel that way.

People always want to reconcile before they depart, that’s why its always good to release all the burdens of anger before it kills you. Hold your anger, and smile back. Let it be. There are more important issues to deal with that being angry. Anger takes away from you, think of doing something that adds to your life instead – consider a forgiveness and a simple laughter.

2. Delay Your Reaction

“When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.” – Mark Twain

This tactic works magic. You’ll always thank yourself after you have practiced this, especially when you are so much enraged and you have no other alternetive.

Remember, anger is an emotion that works at a very short burst. It almost doesn’t give you moments to think. It’s like when it comes, your mind ceases to work – intelligence, reasoning, and logic are all suppressed. However, when you play a delay technique, and hold your reaction a bit longer, you quickly regain the state of consciousness. Your mind gets wiser and you can avoid saying things you would otherwise regret.

Thomas Paine once remarked, “The greatest remedy for anger is delay.” and I concur. Delay is critical, and here is why. When you hold your mind, you can always change your reactions inside your head. But when you act on your thoughts, you start a chain reaction, that can range from verbal to physical. Anger instigates your action. Your actions are self propagating from one to the next. In no time you’ll find yourself doing things that are unlike you, but that’s because patience has not been on your side. Next time you want to react with your anger, count to four, then smile and walk away. That’s how you become bigger than your ego.

3. Read your favorite book

Reading is a form of therapy. It makes you escape the madness, pain and panic that is around you all the time. If you have  a chance, grab your favorite book and read for an hour or two. You’ll be surprised on how quick you regain your consciousness and forget about what made you angry in the first place.

Psychologically, reading involves more than a physical action, its something that takes your full concentration, in other words, your mind has to be at what you do. If you can manage to immerse yourself in a book, your emotions will be under your control.

4. Write

 Writing is a different realm of life. If you can simply sit down and envision something in your head, you are simply traversing into that realm at the time. When you can’t think of something to write as you are so mad, then simply write down whatever comes on your mind. Jot down your thoughts – why you are angry, how would you want to react and anything else that comes to your head. Don’t stop until your anger is gone. When you are done, take a piece of paper, read it aloud to yourself and then shred it. I am sure you’ll be done with your anger.

5. Laugh

“It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time. Anger and laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the power to choose either.” – Wayne Dyer

Laughter is medication. It’s a therapy, whether you laugh alone or along with someone else. Either way, it is useful when you are angry. Laughter clears your mind from all the ills, stress and negativities. It puts you in a good space to focus and concentrate on what is important at the time. Anger can’t replace your best moments of laughter, because your positive emotions are always more powerful than  your negative ones.

6. Take a walk

Taking a walk in nature is probably one of the best things that can simply cool off your mind. If you encounter a circumstance that is not good, then take a walk. The body movement and the change of environment will simply make you sane.

Avoid airing your feelings back in anyway , either on mails, or social media or text.
Find the right time to confront your enemy face to face, that facial confrontation is much better because you’ll either do any of the two: 1) Feel that it was stupid to react, 2)Find out that you were the one who has a problem.

7. Workout

If you are someone who loves exercising, you know that when your body is in such a high state of vibrations. Anger can’t beguile you. Your mind relaxes much better with working out. Exercising rigorously will certainly make you feel much better when you are done and your initial state of anger will be gone.

8. Cry

“Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning do to do afterward.” ― Kurt Vonnegut

Crying helps to release emotions, but also helps you relax your mind and makes you feel much lighter in the end. With tears, even the most painful thoughts goes quickly forgotten. It is a natural remedy to our pain.

9. Watch your favorite movie

Movie is one of the ways to distract your mind from dwelling to what makes you angry in the first place. If you are too angry and you have no way to express it, then go and watch your favorite movie, series or anything that can buy you time.

10. Listen to a good piece of music

It’s certain that when you listen to the best music you might quench your anger but at times your brain might be so disturbed that you might not even be able to pay attention. But trying to calm your mind and listen to a music doesnt only make you sane, but with a little bit of efforts you get to forget even the cause of your anger.

Remember, changing your reaction towards your anger from destructive to productive is neither easy nor quick. It’s something you learn and continually condition your mind to create a pattern that determine your future reactions in similar circumstances. This way, you learn to condition your subconscious mind to channel your reactions to a more productive and meaningful ways. Don’t wait until things are out of control for you to learn how to manage your anger. You must consciously decide to avoid things getting out of control when you are sane. Learn to channel your anger more productively from the early stages – you must condition yourself.

No matter what happens, you are responsible.

“When anger rises, think of the consequences” – Confucius

As I continually insist, anger should be directed towards what is productive, but when you get angry at people and cause damage, then consider this rule. There’s no other rule to consider when you get angry than this – You are responsible for your own anger and its outcomes.

It is the most important thing to put in mind. You are responsible for your actions. You are responsible for the outcome of your anger outburst. Responsiblity is first and foremost when it comes to anger. You have to understand that your actions following your enragement hold you accountable. Whether its verbal or physical, you are still responsible. If you condition yourself to observe the consequences before you act when angry or feel that adrenaline rush, you’ll obviously think twice before making bad judgments.

Remedy:
Acquire the mindset of looking at the situation from the third party, be an observer and not the victim. Detaching yourself isn’t easy but once you do it you gain clarity of what is right and what is wrong at the time. You eliminate the cloud of uncertainty and injustice by being the observer. This is especially necessary because at times we get angry without being clear of what really happens. To save the moment, simply maintain your composure.

That short moment to hold yourself define the difference between sanity and insanity. It can as well tell the difference between life and death. Success and failure. Friendship and enmity. Love and hate. Wisdom and foolishness.

Anger, your worst enemy or your best friend?

“He is a fool who cannot be angry; but he is a wise man who will not.” – Seneca

We all get angry at times. It’s human nature. In fact, anger is one of the most powerful emotions that can lead us towards either productive or destructive ends. We all have it, some misuse it and some channel it the right way to reap the most benefit from their courage to manage it efficiently. To say the least, anger is a double-edged sword, where it cuts depends on where it is directed.

Where Do You Direct Your Anger?

“Anger is just anger. It isn’t good. It isn’t bad. It just is. What you do with it is what matters. It’s like anything else. You can use it to build or to destroy. You just have to make the choice.” – Jim Butcher

anger

Do you get angry from time to time? If you do, then don’t worry. You are a human being  and getting angry is perfectly normal. Anger is common in most living things, let alone humans. Everyone else gets angry from time to time. To say the least, anger is a necessary emotion in life because it instigates changes, both small and big ones. That being said, you should accept and learn to deal with your own emotions, anger included. In fact, anger is not a problem, but what you choose to do when you are angry can lead to problems. And that is a strictly personal choice. This is why you need to be careful about your own reactions when you are angry.

It’s a fact that other people get angrier than others. Others experience huge emotional outbursts than others. Others feel helpless with that emotional surge and simply destroy everything around them while others redirect it towards creative ends. That means, anger as an emotion is neither good nor bad, but what you choose to do with it finally gives the whole meaning.

I know that anger can be both productive and destructive, depending on how you habituate to manage it. I have seen countless people sabotaging their relationships and lives due to this unfamiliar emotion of anger, while others creatively used this very emotion towards reuniting their families.

Anger Is Ego At Play

Anger comes when something doesn’t seem to go as planned. This feeling of irritation can be led by your big ego. Ego doesn’t like to be played down, and that can lead to problems at times. Ego is more complex and especially when it comes to making decisions that violate your personal space. In most cases, ego impairs your intelligence and judgment when you are angry. You may end up doing things that are out of proportion with your normal behaviors.

Remember, no matter what happens you are responsible for your own actions. Anger has nothing to do with it. Even when you are so insanely angry, you are still solely responsible.  When you are so angry, take a second and ask yourself, can I afford to leave with the consequences of my anger? Is it healthy?

The answer, no matter trivial, will help you make better judgments. I know that when you have that blood rush and emotional burst, you might not be logical or reasonable, but you can still control yourself if you do. Yes, that is how you have to train your subconscious mind. It’s what plays a role in management of your anger.

Fact: Everyone Angers, But We Differ In Managing It.

How do you redirect your anger? Does it lead to productive or destructive ends?

Anger acts more like a pressure cooker. If enough pressure builds in the vessel, it must be released. Otherwise it continually builds up and finally leads to destructive results. Whatever the case, let your anger out, but choose the productive way of doing it. You always have a choice. Don’t let it build inside unnecessarily, because, that way you are doing more damage than necessary.

When you get angry, do you lash out at people? Does it happen often than not?

Our societies discourage us from expressing anger. Instead, we are conditioned to suppress it. And there is a good reason for that – most people become too vulnerable and are not equipped to handle this powerful emotion of anger. If they express it, they result into more harm than if they suppress it. But either way, the damage continues.

For instance, you might get so angry at your boss at work, because you may feel powerless to react, you give in and end up scolding at your loved ones at home. You might be so angry with your spouse, lack of power to control it makes you lash out at people at work. Either way, you are not attacking the problem, but rather magnifying it. Face the problem, express it. Talk about it. Listen and let your ego out of the way.

Anger is a difficult beast to tame but it is indeed very possible to turn this energy towards creative means. If you ever wake up in the morning when you are angry, do your best, and I insist do your very best to change that state of mind towards productive means. Anger, once it becomes a chronic habit, can ruin your entire life, forget about your beautiful moment during your days. Don’t let anger define your day, instead learn to productively change your mind towards managing it well – don’t let your ego hurt you in the process.

No matter what happens, follow the wise words of William Arthur Ward,, as he said “It is wise to direct your anger towards problems — not people; to focus your energies on answers — not excuses.”

Fact: Your State Of Anger Is Ever Changing

Anger is a habit and it feeds upon your simple and constant reactions towards circumstances every day. In my opinion, your level of anger is seldom constant. It is always changing. I am also of the opinion that, if you don’t work towards improving how your state of mind towards how you react when you anger, then your habit is more likely to deteriorate than to improve over time.

How you anger and react when you do is not defined by the present circumstances facing you. Rather, your reactions are due to the picture you have in your mind that is made by the accumulation of similar circumstances that happened in the past. How you reacted then is likely to recur in the present and in the future unless you take initiatives to change it.

Every single time you are faced with a circumstance, either positive or negative, how you react towards it determines whether you improve or worsen your mind towards how you manage your anger, that is, you either strengthen or weaken with time.

Angry People Don’t Age Well

This is my own observation and I don’t have a scientific research to back it up. I stand to be corrected if you have a different opinion.

Your state of mind doesn’t improve as you age, but whatever you feed it simply nurtures itself. If anger is all you have known for the most part of your life, how do you expect to change it overnight? This results into an angry aging person, who can simply have none around to help out, unless of course if you have people who are willing to tolerate your constant bursts of anger. I have seen these kind of people, and hence I observed, angry people don’t age well. If you want to age with your anger, then entertain it. Anger, like any habit, cannot automatically change if deliberate actions aren’t taken towards improving it. That said, if your ego is much more than what you can simply understand, then anger will even worsen your aging process. That is what I have seen by looking at the angry people who were aging so bad. I stand to be corrected, if you have any suggestion, simply let it out.

How To Change This Trend

To improve your judgment – observe your reactions towards people and circumstances when you are anrgy, start with the past. Analyze why you react the way you do. Critically look at it whether it’s helping or destroying you. Then, decide to change your reaction towards circumstances and people from now. Be more conscious of what triggers the reaction when anger strikes. Look at the throughts you hold in your mind when those anger triggering circumstances present themselves. This is how you effectively instigate a change towards the better self. Procrastinating taking actions will simply deepen you into trouble than providing means to solve it.

Fact: Effects of Anger Is Always Out Of Proportion To Its Cause

Anger is not about what happens now, but it’s about how you have conditioned your mind to react to circumstances. In other words, your habitual way of reacting towards circumstances. If you are normally a person to experience outbursts and blood rush when faced with unpleasant situations, then you’ll certainly experience it in many occasions. This is part of anything being a habit – you don’t think when it comes to a habit, it simply happens. But you still have power over it.

It’s not the anger that destroys you, but what you do with it.

Hunger is a necessary ingredient for success. I haven’t been aware of this but when the idea came to mind this was the very thing that happened. And today I will share with you why hunger is such a crucial thing for success.

Have you seen people breaking up with their spouses, girlfriends and then go do something specatula? That is anger revealing your potential. If you are someone who

You only have to know how to channel your anger the right way to profit you instead of hurting you; I believe every single emotion in a human being has its use but we fail to associate the right action with the right outcome, instead we blame on them. If you don’t train to be proactive and handle circumstances in the right way, you’ll certainly lose your temper and do the worst, but if you go and do something productive with the same situation, you’ll strengthen the subconscious mind to associate anger with something productive. It is certain that your subconscious mind isn’t logical, it is something that does things according to how it has to be trained. If you train anger with breaking things and cursing, then it will do the same.

Anger may be due to your ego. Sometimes our ego, which is supposed to protect us, get in the way of everything and we find that we are always right. According to some issues of social conditioning, we tend to take first decision that feels right to us and honor it. But in the end, it distracts us and make us escalate the problem; you should understand, your subconscious mind picks, learn and stores any emotion and the reaction you give it. That is why how you react the first time you face a new circumstance is very  crucial to determin how you will react the second time around. If you are calm; you’ll likely be calm. If you are not calm; you’ll likely  react the same way. Take a good example of the lie detector test, the circumstance you face there is strange, but if you were conditioned to lie, you’d easily cheat on the machine and you’d be seem honest.

I remember before I started doing myself development program I had a hard time handling my anger. I could manage to

Anger shouldn’t be submerged or eliminated, but it should be channeled in a way that it adds to your life instead of diminishing your potential. If you submerge your anger or try to eliminate it, it is sure to break you.

Anger, like any other strong emotion, can wreck havoc in your life if you don’t know how to channel it. Anger is an emotion, a state of mind and its purely abstract, nothing physical; If you can learn to the fact that your anger is a perception of what is right and what is wrong, you’ll be on the right way to curing yourself.

I have seen angry people after breaking up with their halves who commited suicide, I have also seen people like Billy Joel, who after a breakup with his loved one, he went to become one of the best musicians. These things happen. I have been there as well. When Love was not okay at times, I subscribed to a place that thrusted me to success.

Fact: Regrets Means You Live In Your Worst Past

Regrets are bad things indeed. Regrets are signs that you are bringing your past to the present. In most cases, this past is destructive and tends to hurt you more than it helps you towards success or living a better life. Regrets are what you should avoid because they can at times trigger habits to cause anger. And that is simply bad.

Unexpressed emotions tend to do more harm than good. If you are angry and suppress the emotions, it will surely backfire. Expressing it isn’t enough, you must turn it towards productive ends, don’t just follow what comes into your mind without scutinizing it. Get angry and do the work, don’t complain. Let your anger lead to success not regrets; that’s how powerful this emoton is.

Fact: It’s not circumstance but your thoughts towards it that makes you angry

The causes of anger range from simple annoying irritations to bigger problems. But that’s not really the issue. There are countless reasons why people would get angry and we can’t mention all of them here. Maybe I should rephrase the questions, what triggers your reaction when you are angry? And that changes the whole meaning of it.

What triggers your reaction when you are angry is simply your mind. The thoughts in your mind lead to the reaction. You feel a sense of injustice, worthlessness, and much more. The urge to impulsiveness and lack of reasoning is simply a way you habitually conduct yourself.

Anger is the emotion inside of you, how you finally express it is different. Anger is intangible and rather abstract. You are the only one who feels it, and rather the only one who can measure how much you should react to calm it, but always, the reactions are somewhat too expensive compared to the cause of anger.

So, change your mind towards how you react when you anger, and you’ll improve your judgment with time. I am not saying you should not get angry, all I am saying it, be cautious of what follows when you do.

Warning: Don’t let your anger become a habit

Anger outbursts, may often than not, seem out of control. If you believe so, then it will be that way to you. But in reality, your reaction when your anger is something that can be manageable and correctly handled, because it is a habit. No habit is too big than you can ever be. Every time you express your anger, you enforce that pattern in your mind, and your subconscious mind simply records it because it is backed with such powerful emotions and feelings. Then, whenever similar circumstances present themselves in the future, your mind fires for action. You end up creating a habit. But still you have the choice to take it further or simply delay while you think of another alternative.

People who are calm tend to be calm in all circumstances; people who are impetuous tend to be angrier even when something so small happens. Their blood boils so much and they feel like jumping out of their skin.

You have been warned. Don’t let anger become a habit, because then it becomes subconscious. It’s never too late for such an advice. It might be that how you have managed your own anger has already conditioned you to animosity and take it out on people without your own way of knowing it. But you can start from now to change your own reaction. It will not be an easy task, it takes time and dedication, but here’s the fun part, when you instigate the change, you start seeing yourself from a different perspective, and that is a good thing.

I regard anger as a powerful creative energy. Most of the times we tend to ignore ourselves when we are overwhelmed with the circumstances, but in reality, they do much more harm than good. Remember, no circumstance is worth to take you that low to lose your temper and steal that personality from you. Maintain your composure, be calm and face the circumstance without causing damages.

Relationships, The Power Behind Success


Relationships are the indispensable elements towards success. Many people achieve a lot of success in lifetime because they know how to form fruitful alliances with others, while others simply fail despite having the necessary talents and resources due to the lack of this very crucial element – and that is, handling relationships.

We are all certain to succeed if we are willing enough to contribute to others’ success. This idea has been around for ages and those who follow it can’t help but succeed in their endeavors. Napoleon Hill in his timeless classic, Think and Grow Rich, put this concept in the idea of mastermind alliance. He gave a lot of examples on how this idea worked for the best of all people that participated in the harmonious relationships with other members of the mastermind alliance to solve their problems towards meeting their desires.

“A person experiences life as something separated from the rest – a kind of optical delusion of consciousness. Our task must be to free ourselves from this self-imposed prison, and through compassion, to find the reality of Oneness.” – Albert Einstein

May be the most important thing to question is, why should we need to be in relationships?

What attracts people into relationships?

Relationships

In my opinion, there is a purpose behind every relationship, which determines the strength of the bond between the people in the relationship. Depending on the kind of relationship, the purpose moves from unconditional love to ulterior motives. Some of the major reasons are mentioned here:

  • The need to belong to a group of people who share the same characteristics and pursuits in life

This is the idea of forming a synergy. The idea is, the sum of efforts of the people in the relationship is much greater than the sum of individual efforts of each separate member of the group. That means, you get more done with less efforts and time when you are in a group than what you could do individually during your entire lifetime.

  • The need to acquire honest and quality support from the ones around you in the pursuit of your goals in life

Perhaps this is the most crucial of these ideas. When you have people who can honestly criticize and advice you during your course to success, then you are having the right kind of people who wish you well on the pursuit of your dreams. You can’t get someone to give you honest advice and criticism if they don’t belong to you, it’s really rare. Hence, forming a mastermind alliance as how it was suggested by Napoleon Hill can be the best solution in this case.

  • The source of inspiration.

The Idea of belonging somewhere and knowing that your efforts are contributing to their happiness, wellbeing and improvements of their life in general is one of the most important factors that strengthenth relationships among people.

  • A sense of increase from those people who are higher and much more accomplished than you are

At times what draws us near to others is the feeling of how influencial they are to reaching our cause. This makes one choose people who are more successful, accomplished, and hence can help them grow towards what they find more meaningful in life.

Types of Relationships

“Cherish your human connections: your relationships with friends and family.” – Joseph Brodsky

There are various types of relationships that can exist for one person, but for the sake of this article, I will group them into two, which are personal and professional relationships. Both of these relationships are of paramount importance towards success in life.

  • Personal relationships:

“People who have good relationships at home are more effective in the marketplace.” – Zig Ziglar

Personal relationships include your spouse, family, relatives, friends, and those people close to you.  Personal relations are so crucial and equally important to thrust you towards success. This is where you get the inspiration and motivation to go for what you want.

In a personal relationship, you give your services without expecting much in return. You do what you feel is best for the people around you. This is how your unconditional love builds with those people who are closer to you. It is easier to be influenced by the people closer to you and get genuine support without the hidden motive behind.

  • Professional relationships

Professional relationships are mostly based on mutual benefits between people in  a relationship but it is of equal importance to bring success to your life. In a professional relationship, you give service to the people and expect something in return for it. This is kind of a relationship with the motive behind, sometimes it’s hidden but as any kind of relationship it must have a purpose, and if you are in one, find it.

What makes a good relationship?

Relationships built under healthy conditions are key to forming a cohesive bond between those involved. For having a healthy realtionship, here are the key element:

  • Loyalty

“Be honest, brutally honest. That is what’s going to maintain relationships.” – Lauryn Hill

A healthy relationship forms when people align themselves with the truth. Maintaining good and healthy relationships is key to achieving success. But this relationship must be built on honesty and truth. The element of feeling you mutually contribute towards one another with the best aim of success strengthens the relationship. Truth makes people more free and willing to contribute towards the collective progress.

  • Agreement

To get along in a healthy relationship, whether it’s personal or professional, you must have a point of consensus. For this to happen you must have some things in common, without with there’s little possibility of having consensus in most areas, which results to conflict of interests and misunderstanding. That way, the relationship won’t last.

  • Affinity

For any relationship to thrive there must be three key elements of love, respect and trust.

These three elements makes anyone in the relationship to feel worthy, wanted, a part of the group. Likewise, these things make someone open to share, willing to work towards improving the bond between people, and unconditionally provide their best efforts for the benefit of all involved in the relationships.

  • Communication

A good communication is key to improve and yet initiate other good relationships. Communication strengthens the cohesive force between you and those you are in a relationship with. Without communication, the relationships fade and those people who were once so close may slowly start becoming strangers.

How To Nurture Best Relationships Towards Success

No Individual has sufficient experience, education, native ability, and knowledge to insure the accumulation of great fortune, without the cooperation of other people” – Napoleon Hill

Fact: Cooperate With Others Towards Collective Success.

To develop and reach your goals, you need people to help you through. You can’t make it as an individual.

Through the process of life, there are people you have met, and they have contributed to your success until now. Whether they were negative or positive, it’s immaterial, as people come in all shapes and sizes, all characters and traits, both equally important to help you towards your goals.

“There is minimal or no growth where everyone sides with you. Such places are inexistent unless there is no total honesty. Growth is best when you face challenges. People are among the main obstacles in life – you face them every day but they help you grow.” – Colin Mtita, Your Inner Child Is Calling

You’ll meet more people in the future, who will equally contribute to your growth. You have a choice to connect and learn from them or avoid them. I personally know you can’t lose when connecting with others, they simply enrich your stock of knowledge, and you become more aware of characters, both within you and the ones possessed by a vast number of other human beings. If you can simply learn to accept others as they come and never judge, then you are well on your way to living the life you want.

Fact: Never Take Those Around You For Granted.

Always value the presence of people around you and their contribution as a crucial part towards your progress. If you want to succeed, then learn to get along with other human beings. There are so many books written on this subject, but I would advise you to read, How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, the classical book that will surely change your view of life in all areas.

We desperately try to mend the broken relationships and keep the ones we love even closer when their true and unconditional love is on the verge of disappearing. Strange enough, the rest of the times when they desperately crave for us, we take their very love for granted. It is during these very moments that the love loses touch and fade. Too bad, when we vividly see that it’s about to break, it has already vanished in their hearts. Simply said, we did not read the sign of times hence saw the truth during the last minutes.

Fact: Accept Criticism And Learn From Them

“You don’t develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.” – Epicurus

It is hard to accept criticism, but sometimes they are necessary to show you where you lack strength.

If they are simply prejudices, then don’t worry; a lot of people will misunderstand you along the way, and that is okay. Take it easy. Normally it’s not you that they have problems with, but it’s something about themselves. Perhaps they seem to have issues coping with you and your ways of life. They seem to have problems adjusting to your standards and probably envy you. If you find people are so negative and critical when it comes to you, regardless of what you do, then you shouldn’t pay attention. That is always there, and it won’t go away. Even great men were condemned as such, you will not be spared.

Fact: Be What You Want Others To Be

“Real magic in relationships means an absence of judgment of others.” – Wayne Dyer

Don’t expect others to be what you aren’t. If you crave so much for love from other people, then start loving yourself and others first, don’t expect things to come from nowhere. If you want to have a friend, be friendly. If you want support, show support first. If you want happiness from your relationship, then start by being happy.

In addition:

    • Accept criticism but don’t criticize or blame rather acquire a positive attitude towards others
    • Don’t judge but be impartial when it comes to issues and other people

Fact: Look For The Best In Everything

If you start looking at flaws, you’ll surely find them everywhere and in everyone. When you are too busy looking for flaws, you don’t have time to see the beauty of what life holds in other people and things around you. There are always flaws when you want to see them, even in yourself. When you are convinced of something and try hard to prove it, you’ll always get what you are looking for. Instead, look for the best, ignore the rest. People are always positive when you approach them with a positive attitude. To get the best, be that person who radiate empowering attitude and others will follow.

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